tyler card: Archive

5 tags

Feb 24th

11 notes

Friday, I'm starting a plant-based diet.

If you are vegetarian, vegan, or just know of any delicious plant-based meals, I’d love to hear them. I’m trying to plan out my meals for the next week or two to make things easier. Any suggestions?

Feb 23rd

7 notes

6 tags

When I’m a Crazy Old Man

Over the past couple years, I’ve been compiling a list of “things to do when I’m a crazy old man,” and if there is one sure thing that I am gonna do, it’s this: 1.) Spot a young, impressionable, man who shares my distinguishable characteristics: eye color, approximate height and build, hair color (unless I’ve gone grey, which would make me extra crazy-looking. Bonus!), no visible tattoos that I...

Feb 22nd

3 notes

4 tags

Hospital Fun

I’ve been spending a lot of time at the doctor lately with this bum leg I’ve got, and there’s one thing I’ve noticed: everyone is so uptight in those places. I’ve decided it is my duty to lighten the mood. Here’s just a few ideas I’ve come up with: After they make you piss in that little jar, return it with a lemon wedge and one of those tiny umbrellas. Bring a CD player that can fit into a coat...

Feb 22nd

4 notes

2 tags

Infirmary

I always had it in my head that this word meant something along the lines of furnace or incinerator… I guess it’s a good thing no ones ever come to me saying “hey Tyler, take this sickly child down to the infirmary and take care of him.”

Feb 22nd

3 notes

3 tags

Ultimate foot-in-mouth case of mistaken identity.

Boss: “Hey, I need you to look up the info on these three drugs.” Me (pointing to first one on the list): “I think I’ve had to take that once.” Boss: “Really? You’ve had chlamydia before? Ha, I hate to ask you that, but have you? That’s used to treat chlamydia.” Me: “Hmmm. You know what? On second thought, I don’t think that was it.”

Feb 22nd

5 notes

7 tags

Unnecessarily Large Scarf Girl

I was trailing about 6 feet or so behind a girl wearing an unusually long scarf today. It wrapped around her neck a good 2 or 3 times, yet still dangled inches from the floor. She stepped on it- causing it to tug, turned abruptly, and delivered me the most accusatory, menacing glare, as if to say I was the idiot who stepped on that stupid, enormous scarf. I didn’t know what to do; so I simply...

Feb 22nd

5 notes

8 tags